You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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