Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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