Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
