I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
did i just pee glitter
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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