apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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