So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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