i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
