So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
