Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just want to make out with him forever
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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