my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
