Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
too bad you live with your parents still
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
