he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
