Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
