How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
