It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
