I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
