i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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