YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
