Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
