seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
