I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
