my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
