Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
