when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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