Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
