We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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