Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
