FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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