well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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