you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
