Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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