I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He? As in you personified your dick?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
