Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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