I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
