You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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