my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
