she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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