you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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