I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
