I cut my penus on the lid.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
