So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
