Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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