i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We don't watch enough power rangers
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
