Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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