Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
