According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
