Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
