i need an iv and a liver transplant
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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