if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
