I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
